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| My grandmother's pot inspired my home's orange touches |
"For you, [Bea] you are on a different level, 'Zero waste' means you have to eliminate even mementos and pictures. To each their own, but it's not a road I am willing to go down." - Sam.
Come on now, let's not exaggerate, I have reduced mementos, but have not eliminated them, and especially not pictures! I cherish them so much that I have even scanned most of them to keep them safe from deterioration and loss.
What I did eliminate from my life though, is heirloom guilt, that is the guilt associated with letting go of heirlooms by fear of:
- Forgetting our ancestors,
- Disappointing our ancestors,
- Not conforming to the tradition of passing down,
- Erasing a family story,
- Lowering one's financial worth ("I can't sell it for what it is worth").
I believe that we do not need things to remember our lost ones. But everyone is free to do what feels right. I feel right having chosen not to hold onto anything that belonged to my grandpa, even though I loved him dearly. I get reminded of him everyday when I get lost into the blue of Max's eyes, when I see Leo's "derriere" that sticks out (a family trait), and when I wear my boots with metal heel plates (he wore them too and I can hear my grandpa walking in my shoes).
As with everything else, I applied the 5R's to guide the way I deal with heirlooms:
Reduce: Stick to one box per family member. Letting go of the pieces you can part with, helps keep the amount under manageable control. Sell the coin collection and take a trip with the proceeds. Wouldn't your mother agree? In the hospice, dying people do not mention regretting leaving their coin collection behind, they regret not going after their dreams (Bonnie Ware, who worked for years nursing the dying, wrote about a great article on "5 Regrets of the Dying"). Maybe their unfulfilled dream can fund or kick start yours!
Reuse: Use Your Heirlooms. I do not need to store my grandmother's pot, I can actually use it (it even inspired my home's orange touches!). I think my grandmother would be happy to know that I have not let the pot clutter my life (stored for safekeeping somewhere, using up expensive real estate), she would be thrilled to know that I am actually using it. After-all, it is not the stuff that she left behind, but the memories and the stories that we share, that matter.
"The last thing I want is for someone else to have to throw away my junk! I'd rather leave only memories and skills behind" - Anonymous.
Recycle: Turn worn-out items into something else; make bulk bags out of an old sheet for example or plant flowers in your grandfather's boots. All my kitchen towels are made from an old linen sheet from my grandmother. I am using her thrifty ways (a skill that I did happily inherit from her) to use every inch of it.
Rot: If I run into another lock of hair, it's definitely going into the compost!
I can affirm that for me, the biggest advantage of living a lifestyle of voluntary simplicity has been a great improvement in quality of life, but also freeing myself from heirloom guilt. I believe that when parents pass something down, they do not mean to burden us or instill guilt, they just want to make a gesture that they think is mandatory. But once it’s yours, it’s your choice to do whatever you want with it. It's a free country, right?!
Do you feel burdened by heirloom guilt?
YES! Thank you for this post!!
ReplyDeleteI admit, my family tends to keep stuff for a loooong time because of heirloom guilt. But it can also be helpful, too. My parents inherited two sets of fine silver, as well as having what they got as a wedding gift. So when my husband and I got married, instead of registering for fine china and silver, we just asked for the extra family sets that my parents had! For all the holidays, birthdays, and other special occasions to come, I now look forward to using my great-aunt's silverware and my grandmother's wedding china. :)
ReplyDeleteThe two ideas I love here are the USE IT! part and the RECYCLE IT! part. Honestly, I wonder why I keep stuff in a box or tucked away for special occassions. Aren't things passed down so we can use them?! Why else would they come to us?! I should suck it up already and just use the china I got for my wedding. If it breaks, it breaks. Oh well.
ReplyDeleteI also like the idea of remaking things into something functional that you will actually use.
I come from a family that loves heirlooms, but not a family that actually USES them all that often! I think if you can make use of them, all the better - I would rather have my family's stuff than a strangers or some cheap junk from the bigbox store. But if I can't use it, I shouldn't have it. Period.
I have little bit of heirloom gilt cuz I love keeping things that my family have given me and the memories or story's that come with that heirloom. It was really hard when we started to clean clear my late grandpa's house. There all things that I really wanted but one night I was thinking what will use. I got few items that I wanted there things I needed and use now. The only thing did not get that I don't use but for some reason can never see myslef getting ride of is this carousel, it's big I don't really have room in the house giveing it away.
ReplyDeleteHave gotten rid of heirlooms over the years. Used it up; let someone else have it; didn't want or need any of it. Currently, my parents are aware that I am not interested in their 'stuff' at some point in the future.
ReplyDeleteFor me, it's the memories in my heart. It's not an 'object' that I think 'of' or 'about' relating to a deceased love one.
I am probably one of the most unsentimental people on the planet. I hate the idea that when you are old and about to die people are already lining up and getting ready to drive away with your possessions. I have an art deco pendant which used to belong to my grandmother which had been on semi permanent loan to a friend for more than ten years. She recently sent it back to me because she had stopped wearing it. I was touched by the gesture of her sending it back but I now have it back in my possession and I certainly won't wear it. My daughter says she likes it and will use it. I will keep it because it made my dad smile to see it again. Guess I have heirloom guilt after all! I think heirlooms are fine if you actually use them every day.
ReplyDeleteI keep what I enjoy and want to have and find a home for the rest...no guilt here, but I am surprised at how many people think that's wrong! I have a friend who can't get rid of anything whatsoever because her mother would have a fit! Her mother takes inventory whenever she visits and will even go through the trash to make sure nothing worth anything at all is in there!
ReplyDeleteI had to go through my dad's stuff when he died. It was a mess. It took a lot of time to sort through, throw away and get rid of it. I wouldn't want to do that to my kids. No one wanted most of it. I did have a bracelet that he gave me and I know he didn't want me to get rid of it. After 12 years, I tried it on again and it scratched up my wrist like it always did before and that is why I never wore it. I sold it when gold was high and got about 1000 for it. I decided that I would be much happier taking a short trip instead of keeping something I would never wear. I have never regretted it since.
ReplyDeleteHeirlooms? Yes. Guilt? No, thank you! I think when you have freed your mind of the misconception that you HAVE to keep these kind of things you are free to decide what you WANT to keep. Whether this is more or less (or nothing), whether it is used every day or only once a year is a rather personal choice - but I think Bea makes that quite clear. I think there is not one way for everybody but the part of getting rid of the guilt really is mandatory to me (no, I am not there yet ...). But one thing I think everyone should do: Ask those near you. Not only is one man's trash another man's treasure, everybody's memory works differently and a something from your grandma's house you don't even remember might be the happiest piece of heirloom for your brother/sister/cousin/kid ... When my grandma whom I spent many afternoons with as a kid will pass I want exactly two things: a cookie tin that is worth nothing and that is not even pretty but that will evoke the happy memories of all those afternoons when I use it. And a ring, patched many times and worn almost all her life. I was her first grandchild and am her god child, too, and she wants me to have it. I see no sense in denying her this wish though I will never wear the ring but no one else will neither. It rather makes me happy that I can wholeheartedly grant the wish (would be much harder if she wanted me to have an armoire or her collected cooking utensils but fortunately she does not hang her heart on stuff much after loosing pretty much everything TWICE when she was young) and I rather will continue to purge my own unused much more meaningless things than thinking about not keeping this tiny piece of family history.
ReplyDeleteI know its off topic, but I love those colored stripes--are they on the wall? I'd like to see a bigger picture if possible.
ReplyDeleteGreat post too--they usually are.
This reminds me of a time when I was a child and my grandmother and great aunt passed away. My mom took a decorative old sheet set from each and made every one of my dad's brothers and sisters a stuffed bear to remember each person by without causing someone to have to hold on to old sheets that would never be used again. Not as practical as kitchen towels, of course, but a similar idea. Those bears are very special.
ReplyDeleteWhen going thru my grandparents things, all 4have passed, my mother would always say, "you don't have to take anything you don't want". Yet, again, Mom showed me how awesome she is...instilling no need for heirloom guilt. There is only one item I have inherited that I am not to sell, but am free to return to my mom if ai should not want it any longer.
ReplyDeleteI have a few things that I also use to decorate or practical ways. I also use my souvenirs from my travels. That way I get to be frequently reminded of the person or the experience. I couldn't enjoy them if the cluttered and thusly frustrated me.
This was very difficult for my husband and I- both of us had many things handed down to us and the guilt was overwhelming when we thought about getting rid of it. But yet we were stressed by all the things taking up space in our home and making it cluttered. We are slowly finding new homes for these things and the weight lifted off our shoulders is a wonderful feeling. I've decided to take photos of things that were really special that I'm not keeping. We have not told our parents about things we got rid of, because I know they would not approve. But they are not the ones dusting the items....
ReplyDeleteWonderful post! I wrote briefly on something somewhat similar.
ReplyDeleteWhen I began my cleaning out process I wrote each of my children a letter asking them what they want since I was cleaning out. Much of what they wanted I have given to them - other things they have asked me to hold onto until they have their own home.
We have some of my in-laws antiques and like you I use them.
I can't believe how much easier it is to clean my house! Also, I enjoy my china. My eldest daughter bought me the set and some day I will return it to her.
Throughout all this giving away to the local Free Store and recycling.... the guilt has flown the coup!
I have over a dozen boxes of my grandmother's collectibles that give me a sort of anxiety attack every time I see them in my garage! I can't stand clutter and they are responsible for a barely-navigable garage! I wish I could just give them away but feel guilty knowing they are expensive and I should research their value first. Yet such an undertaking is overwhelming. Thus, they continue to sit! Thanks for the inspiration.
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, my husband's sister gave us their grandmother's real silver flatware that had been sitting in my sister in-laws garage for years, untouched and tarnishing away. When we got it in our possession, we decided to polish it up and actually use it as our regular, daily silverware! I even purchased a few missing pieces to fill it out and make it more functional as a set. She was devastated that we would do such a thing (actually use it)! It made far more sense to us to make use out of such a fine heirloom rather than let it sit and tarnish for years.
ReplyDeleteMy heirlooms can be summed up into one word: Hummels.
ReplyDelete6 boxes of them taking up cherished space in the closet. (see ya!)
I have had kept hard copies of pictures from before I started to live this lifestyle; however, now I keep them store in organized albums on my computer. Last Christmas my cousin gave me a digital photo album and now I use to portray my memories. I update it every so often with new pictures. When we have friends and family over, it initiates great conversations. It’s a great way to share pictures without all that waste. After all that is why we take pictures, to cherish them with others.
ReplyDeleteXimena
I still use kitchen towels with my mother's beautiful embroidaries. They have gotten stained over the years, and sometimes that makes me cringe. Still, seeing one while I am doing my daily task gives me a nice pick-me-up. I know my sons' future brides will not cherish them as much as I do; I know it because it's the same for me. I have a few similar items with my husband's grandmother's handy work and although I loved her dearly, it's not the same. So, I am the only one on this planet to cherish my mother's handy work to the extent that is worth anything, so I do plan to use them up to a tatter and don't plan on passing them on to anyone.
ReplyDeleteI've been contemplating this very subject lately. In the course of blogging about it as well, I've come to the conclusion that the legacy we give has nothing to do with stuff, and that, while it feels sad not to have someone to pass important mementos down to, things aren't what is important.
ReplyDeletebea,
ReplyDeletei think a lot of your readers confuse your life as a minimalist with your zero waste efforts. the two have a clear link, but are not the same, and time and time again, i see folks make comments about your minimizing belongings etc., and equating that with being over the edge as far as living ZW goes. I think folks are plain confused.
I do feel guilt, even with things that aren't heirlooms. I found some cards the other day from loved ones who have passed on. It's hard to let go of their handwriting, their notes. I suppose it is a silly idea, that holding onto these things could keep them alive, and there is a feeling that tossing it means that I don't care about them anymore. I think it is more difficult when the item came directly from the person who you loved and has passed on. Random family items that have been passed down are not as hard to get rid of and there is usually someone else in the family who appreciates them.
ReplyDeleteMy house is full of "heirlooms," but nearly all of them are things we use. Our everyday dishes and half the stuff in our kitchen, from gadgets to pans, came from grandparents' downsizing. A good deal of our furniture, art, and decorative objects also came from parents and grandparents. I even have clothes, as well as jewelry, inherited or handed down from relatives.
ReplyDeleteMy husband and I like to be surrounded by objects that have a sense of history. Also, we like nice things but don't have a lot of money.
I have no trouble saying no to heirlooms I don't want. What's tougher is getting rid of useless junk the current occupants of my home want to keep! (e.g. broken toys, random screws, packaging)
My grandmother's sewing machine she learned to sew on has now taught me and helped me manufacture clothing for my children. Now that's an heirloom that should be passed on, yet the key really is using it. If my daughter doesn't want to sew and my husband's wives don't want to sew I would rather it go to someone who did no matter how precious it was to my grandmother. If I had gotten rid of it before I had learned to sew and bought a new one I would probably feel guilty. Perhaps heirloom guilt isn't just the idea of disposing of our loved ones but dishonoring their own frugality and hard work in providing a useful object.
ReplyDeleteHave very small items from loved ones that I hot glued onto a mirror frame. Provided a unique artistic frame as well as reminders of who the item like a favorite button, coin, earring,tie clip, belonged to. Or a favorite item found buried while on a vacation, or the stamp from a letter sent from Paris, Moscow, Rome back in the 60's. Its my form of photo album. What I really treasure are the small journals elders kept. Some going back to the early 1800's. Lots of wisdom in them.
ReplyDeleteThere was a reason homes had attics in the past. This was the place where trunks were kept, that held items that didn't fit the decor, but were treasures one wanted to hold onto, and pass down, hopefully to someone who would see their real value as well.
Here's how I got rid of heirloom guilt: We had the piano my husband's great grandmother used to teach lessons that helped support her family through the Depression. In the big houses of Virginia and Georgia, we could afford to hang on to it till our kids were old enough to learn how to play. It fit our decor and our plans for the future. When we found out we were moving to California we knew it wouldn't fit into the house (let alone up the many steps and through the narrow doorway into the house) and we had to let it go. We contacted the entire family asking someone to take it from us and no one would. Three days before the moving van showed up, I finally gave it away to strangers who knew one of our babysitters. (Trust me, this is a highly abbreviated version of this story) -- but my mother-in-law made me ship the stool to her, $80 and a stupid errand the day before the moving truck arrived for a cross country move. Visit her house and where is the stool? In her storage room, with all the yard sale lamps she buys for $2 a piece. Oh, and the night after the moving van left for California she asked me to keep (not give her, but keep) the name of the stranger who took the piano, in case she ever wants it back again.
ReplyDeleteIf they don't care that much, then I'm not wasting the energy either. Heirloom guilt cured forever.
when my mama moved out of the house i grew up in in 2007, there was a massive cleaning effort needed. at the very end of it, in the way back corner of the back room of the basement we found a perfectly cube-shaped pile of dishes wrapped in newspaper. the cardboard box had rotted away, leaving my parent's wedding stoneware (not fine china) and circa early 1970's newsprint. it had been sitting there for 33+ years. i asked for and received it. after shipping it all cross-country to my home, and sending off for some replacement pieces, i'm happy to say that my family has used it every day for every meal.
ReplyDeleteit would've been much cheaper to have simply bought inexpensive china from cost plus, pier-one, etc., but to reuse the set, and to order replacement pieces (that were also used) just felt right. i think of my mama every time we use it and i finally feel like the set is getting the use it so deserves after sitting forgotten for so long.
Thanks Bea - this is a prod for me to declutter some more of those "essentials"!
ReplyDeleteI'm fortunate that most of my family heirlooms are very tiny and fit into a small box. I do have a few bits and pieces I should probably weed out, however. I am a pretty sentimental person, but I'm all for photos over possessions...they mean much more to me, and I'd rather digitize them and have them pop us on my desktop or as my screensaver where I actually see them and smile at the memory, than having them in some dusty old album that never sees the light of day.
My husband's parents and sister were important enough to have had a lot of newspaper coverage wherever they lived from the 1920s to the 80s and we have inherited BOXES of clippings and photos, etc. that are in the garage, yellowing and crumbling. The parents are gone but the smart sister generously gave us the boxes for our grandchildren to inherit. We are the guardians of the family history. If we should dump it all I truly think a plague of locusts would attack us.
ReplyDeleteYes, I suffer from heirloom guilt. But only for a season. My sister died three years ago and I wanted a lock of her hair before she was cremated. I also got a bunch of her stuff, things that meant something to her or things that helped to define who she was. Well, I disposed of the hair about 6 mo later (kinda creeped me out) and I have been letting most of the other things go as time goes by and I am healing from her absence.
ReplyDeleteI also got a few things from a grandmother I never knew out of respect for my mother. After reading your article I really don't feel a need to keep it except it represents a part of our family history. I have been doing my best to simpify my life and creating more space by dejunking. It is very cleansing. It does make one think more about what is important to leave behind...your legacy.:)
Have given away a number of inherited items over the past two years and have never felt less in the process. The family member is still as dear to me as ever. In the case of a beloved hope chest handed from my grandmother to my mother to me, it has now gone on to my daughter, mostly because it is useful! This is the criteria for keeping any heirloom;
ReplyDeleteIs it useful? Does it bring my life joy? Otherwise, down the road it goes!
No, I do not suffer from heirloom guilt, but there was a time when I was much younger that I might have. Back then I was stuck in the rut of trying to please everyone else at the expense of myself. Some tough life experiences and a good dose of counseling helped that! Thus, when my father did pass away and my mother downsized to a much smaller abode, I only took the few pieces and memorabilia that I *really* wanted and *do* use. (This includes the "good" china- it's used frequently and old silver sugar bowls and creamers have been re-purposed into guitar pick holders, hair-tie holders, change holders, etc.) Yes-there were a handfull of "un-sure" items in the boxesat first, but as my mom said-" if you're not sure, take it, see if it works in your house and/or you use i. I not- give it away! You have my permission!" How this sensible woman, put up with my father's pack-ratted-ness is a mystery (we used to have to sneak old and broken things out of the house when he wasn't there) - except when you love someone, you put up with their quirks. And she loved him very much. She misses *him*. But she doesn't miss his *stuff*. I feel the same way. We're lucky we can separate the experience of the person from the material objects.
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: Scan the clippings into a computer and make a book! No more boxes, no more worrying about the clippings falling apart....a big project yes, but worth it if you truly want to keep all that for future generations.
ReplyDeleteCindy: I love your story! I had a similar story about my great great grandmother's iron bed. It had become my bed as a child, and when I move to the US, I had it shipped to follow us. It took a few weekends of toxic inhalation to strip it down to it's original black. It became a guest bed for 7 years. But when we downsized our house, we no longer had room for it. I called my family to let them know, and they all said that I could not dare sell such an important heirloom, yet, when I offered to ship it back to France, no one wanted it. I sold it on Craigslist and have not looked back.
ReplyDeleteI am really enjoying reading all of your stories, thanks so much for sharing!
ReplyDeleteS: I cannot think of a better example of Reusing Heirloom than silver, because it looks more beautiful when used everyday. Otherwise, it becomes a waste resources (someone could be using it), space, and maybe even polish and polishing time;)
voohie: I had to google "Hummels" to see what they are;)
ReplyDeleteI almost envy those who are stricken with heirloom guilt, as I never had the opportunity to experience it. My mother never let go of anything, and my parents' house was filled to the rafters with forgotten memorabilia, vases, gilt edged and impressed books, fifteen twelve-piece place settings of China and porcelain, gorgeous antique Waterford crystal, the family silver, lace napery, fine linens, old family films, and some very fine Edwardian furniture - all neglected and turned to dust, mould, or jagged shards, nibbled or urinated/defecated on by vermin. When we 'children' left for college, we did so without benefit of a single parentally-donated dish, spoon, or stick of furniture. My parents never entertained, never used a tiny fraction of what they owned, but were unwilling to divest themselves of so much as a salad plate to help us out when we were young and struggling and could have used these things. To this day, everything I have is what I have bought myself. I live in a small, beautiful, orderly, and well-cared for home, and appreciate each lovely, well-chosen item I have and use. My mother, now in her nineties, still lives on in her too-large house, still surrounded by her now useless cache of once beautiful things. I will certainly feel no guilt when we end up tossing everything into a fleet of skips after her death.
ReplyDeleteGifts are another matter - how does one deal with the friends who visit and inspect one's house for the gifts they have bestowed over the years? I keep only what I like and will use, so am often the victim of gift guilt when a visiting friend asks, say, "Where is that pink plush book bag I sent you on your birthday least year?"
Ottoline: funny you mention Gift Guilt. I was going to include that it in the post and then simplified it;) I don't think friends give us presents to burden us, I think they just want to make a gesture. But sometimes they think that they know our tastes. I think the best gifts are that of time and/or consumables, and I try my hardest to let my friends know that, by offering them what I wish I would receive. If you do not want your friends's present, don't feel bad, it's not your fault, but theirs for not knowing you better. No need to pretend or you'll get more pink plush bags. Can you simply say: I am sorry, it did not fit my space, or I thought a women's shelter needed it more than I do, or I am trying to minimize my belongings...
ReplyDeleteHi Bea/Ottoline,
ReplyDeleteI sent a "zero-waste" email to all my friends and family, so they all know now how we live. Here's what I wrote (and it's working so far!):
Dear Family and Friends,
We, as a family, have decided to strive to be as waste free as possible. It’ll take a lot to get there, and we’ll really need your help. The four steps to doing this are: Refuse. Reduce. Reuse. Recycle. This means refusing waste before it coming in the house; it seems that everything nowadays is covered in plastic, and individually wrapped. Reduce is reducing the amount of “stuff” you have in your home means you spend less time taking care of it; we all dust books we never read. Reuse: find another purpose for the sheets you’re about to give away; make some nifty sacks to bring to the grocery store! And as a last resort, recycle what you must.
Here’s the blog that got me started: http://zerowastehome.blogspot.com/
And here’s a cheat sheet of the blog: http://zerowastehome.blogspot.com/p/tips.html
Here’s a video I watched years ago, and it stuck with me: http://www.storyofstuff.com/
What we’re basically asking is that you don’t purchase things for us anymore; no more cards, no more toys, books, movies, etc. We have everything that we need, and we’re getting rid of a lot of it! What we would love is if you would call, email and visit more often. We love all of you so much that we’d rather take your time than take your money. If you absolutely feel as though you simply cannot stop yourself from giving our daughter something, please make a contribution to her college fund. However, we are not asking you to, this is a last-resort-money-burns-a-hole-in-your-pocket thing. The things we treasure the most in our home is the time we spend together, the memories we’ve created, and the digital photos we have of all of you, because you are such a huge part of our lives.
Marcy -
ReplyDeleteBeautiful job on the email! That may even inpire your family to join in on ZW for themselves! Bravo!
Oh yes, so much heirloom guilt. I come from a family of makers. So it's not just a quilt, it's a box of unfinished quilt tops handstitched by great great aunt Ella. As well as furniture and toys made by my grandfather and father. Add to it that I am an only child who doesn't really want children. The way I deal with it is that I have tried to be selective of the items I keep and give my closest friends (who are essentially my family) other items. At first these actions (such as giving away a mahogoney handmade hobby horse and the dollhouse my dad made from actual house plans) received very negative reactions from my parents - but I pointed out that toys are meant to be loved, and that the "nieces and nephews" who have them can pass them on to their children. I have thought about selling, but that seems so... crass.
ReplyDeleteFor Christmas this year, we have asked out kids to do something nice for someone else with the money they would have spent on us and send us a letter telling us about the experience. There won't be much under the tree, but I look forward to reading about the service given to others. I think it helps them to also realize, by example, the real joy of giving to those who really have the need.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Bea, for posting. I absolutely love your blog and have been forwarding to friends/family. This is a great issue to address. My mother died 6 years ago and my sister and I dealt with most of her things. I remember my mom asking us if we wanted anything of hers - she said we could have whatever we wanted, but neither of us really wanted much. We did keep family photos. She gave me a diamond ring that I made into a pendant and wear daily (I gave the setting to my sister who used it and wears it often), and a strand of pearls that I wear often. My sister accepted some select pieces of jewelry and some furniture (she was recently divorced and in need of furnishing her new home and is still using the pieces). We donated her clothing/shoes/handbags. Both of my parents have given me antiques that have been passed down through generations, which I have used to decorate my house. My grandmother gave me all of her antique fiesta ware that I use everyday. I have always told my family, that if something does not have a function, then I don't want it. I don't want to dust a collection of figurines that serve no purpose. Recently, my grandmother, who's home was filled with antiques asked her 5 grandchildren to choose what they wanted/needed and then she sold the rest at auction so that we would not have to deal with it when she was gone.
ReplyDeleteBea,
ReplyDeleteI haven't been to your blog in awhile, and upon returning I see a portion of my comment (taken a wee bit out of context) at the top of your post! This wasn't a random criticism, it was actually in response to a blog post that questioned what holds us readers back from letting go of clutter. I won't go into all my issues with that post, however, I will admit, I WAS very confused as to what exactly you are promoting sometimes. Zero Waste or Minimalist Aesthetics. I feel that this blog post has provided some clarification in that as well as some great ideas for incorporating Momentos into a Zero Waste home and using family heirlooms to inspire your decorating style. How wonderful! I don't always agree with you 100%, but your blog has inspired me to cut down on clutter. I think the issue for me is when your question makes an assumption. I don't have any heirloom guilt. The items I have kept are important to me and most don't take up much space. Again the question of "non-functionality" is subjective. A letter I have from my Grandmother in her beautiful handwriting IS functional to me. It makes me smile and feel happy when I see it. What difference dies it make if I recycle it now or in 50 years? I do think you made an excellent point that we shoukd think about what we accumulate in our lifetimes and more importanrly, the loved ones who have to deal with it after we die. Great post, much to reflect on!
my mom saves everything...right down to an Elvis print that belonged to her late brother and has never been displayed anywhere in her home, hidden as it is behind the entertainment cabinet. like you, I prefer the kind of heirlooms that I can use: quilts, tools, cooking utensils. but my fav heirlooms are the family recipes!!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely have heirloom guilt!
ReplyDeleteWhat are your thoughts on refurbishing furniture from grandparents? I inherited a beautiful hutch and dining room table (with chairs), and while it's beautiful, it's kind of dated. I was thinking of taking the hutch and creating a new piece with its wood. Something smaller and simpler. That way the wood that was my grandparents still stays, but the actual piece is more modern. What are your thoughts?
Marcy, was wondering what kind of response you've gotten from your letter? We have been asking our families to scale back for years (we have three children, including two boys close in age who share EVERYTHING) with very little success. I'm beginning to dread Christmas because of what it will do to the contents of our house, let alone what it does to my children's characters. Has your family been respectful of your request?
ReplyDeleteThought I would share an idea I had after having many items I held dear (or thought I could not part with) destroyed in storage by mice and water damage. Upon finding my belongings ruined, I started taking pictures of the salvageable items and stored them on my external hard drive with family photos (alot less room). Decided to donate them rather than go through the pain of possibly finding them damaged later. This helped me to prioritize what I thought was important and what I actually use and has jumpstarted my family to a Zero Waste lifestyle.(Hope this is helpful)
ReplyDeleteOur problem hasn't been heirloom guilt, it's what is considered an heirloom! Never, ever, would I consider old high school albums, papers from college, everyday dishes, toys and clothes from whenever as heirlooms, but some family members do. Argh! Continuous debates over sentiment vs living in the present.
ReplyDeleteClassic art and furniture, wedding/birth photos --maybe heirlooms. Then comes the serious, internal conversation as to how important that object is....
Am a firm believer in living in a small, open space. Makes decisions much easier.
Marcy: thanks for sharing your letter! I think it can be helpful to many. And it inspires me to write about the subject of family and friends reaction.
ReplyDeleteIn response to the couple of comments that do not see a correlation between Zero Waste and voluntary simplicity: I personally believe that the two are completely connected. See my article http://zerowastehome.blogspot.com/2011/05/does-decluttering-help-environment.html
I believe that leading a Zero Waste lifestyle without "Reducing" would be hypocritical. Consumption AND witholding goods are detrimental to the environment. Zero Waste supports sharing resources.
Hello!
ReplyDeleteI´m so happy that I found your blog today....I´m going to start using your recepies and your brilliant ideas at once!
Sick and tiered of all these trash we bring in to our homes!
Thank you for sharing all this.
All my best
Christin from Sweden
Cindy,
ReplyDeleteThe response so far has been great! Try sending all your family and friends a version of the email I sent. It also helps that we don't buy anyone gifts anymore. And some family members try to sneak things in, and I just stare at them and ask if they read my email. They say yes, and it won't happen again. :)
Our house was so simple, so uncluttered when we first moved in. Then all the heirlooms started arriving! We finally had to start getting rid of things, because they created so much clutter that we couldn't enjoy them.
ReplyDeleteI let go of almost all my great grandparents, grandparents and parents' treasures because I realized I'd not be as creative if I spent so much time maintaining, insuring, dusting, them etc etc.
ReplyDeleteWhat I treasure most about my ancestors is their creativity, intrepid characters, their generosity and kindness, their sense of giving back or civic duty. So many wonderful loving traits, that I'm reminded of, and aspire to manifest. These objects were signs of affection and utility for them, but they just bog me down, keep me from embodying their best traits. Unfortunately they also engendered envy in others; and I also know that the people I gave them to or who bought them will treasure them and hold them in the same esteem that my ancestors did.
Too many of the household goods and properties were squabbled (even sued) over by my parents' generation, and were still buzzing with those jealous & greedy vibrations. So easy for me to let go of contentiousness.
If you don't have much, you think stuff's terribly important, but if you've enjoyed it, it's easier to let it go. At least for me. I'd rather contribute art, knowledge, utility, service, etc. than just use stuff, no matter how beautiful or expensive it is. We usually don't own our possessions, our possessions possess us.
Well said. I do not suffer Heirloom Guilt. My parents and I had to leave my homeland and leave everything behind (gave away most of it). The only items I kept are my precious photos. Every photo has a story. Since it so easy to obtain things, people just keep buying them and passing it down to their kids. Collect memories not stuff.
ReplyDeleteI have been decluttering my home for about a year now and I have sold or given away objects that I do not need or want in my home. My mother is not happy about this and has been upset about some of the objects that I have sold (ones that were not family heirlooms even). I just keep plodding ahead - getting rid of as much as I can - what is right for my family may not make everyone one else happy - but if it makes my husband and my son happy that is what matters.
ReplyDeleteLong one who recycles when I found your blog Bea it opened my eyes to how much more I can and WANT do for the planet and future generations!!!
ReplyDeleteThen I read that You were chastised for air travel: It was then I came to see; people feared being judged if they did not live up to the choices that worked for you, or worse that you were extolling an "all or nothing approach"... Sad they feel you are asking people to throw the baby out with the bath water approach. Air travel is balanced by all of the other un-wasteful choices you make.. Do people honestly think You want them to rid themselves of cherished heirlooms because you choose not to have them packed into boxes taking up space in your home or life? Wonder why some people feel so threatened by what you write rather than to see your choices as an opportunity to awaken in them an opportunity to learn perhaps new ways of trying things for themselves... If we each simply did a little bit more practicing of the 5 Rs our lives and world and that of future generations would all benefit! This is not a ONE SIZE fits all demand. Merely a gem of a wake up call to better our own lives and offers us each an open door on how to possibly achieve this for ourselves.
I for one Am grateful for having found your blog, for the insights and clarity it brings me... such a strong and powerful tool for self examination and improvement that in doing always benefits others, and I feel Blessed and thank You!
My business is recycling - I'm an antiques/vintage dealer, and of course I never USED to miss an opportunity to acquire *stock*. I say "used to" because the current trend of downsizing has caused such an overabundance of treasures to come onto the market that even I've been practicing "Refuse" for the past year.
ReplyDeleteI've been buying clothing and useful things for my home and pets for the past 25 years at yard sales, flea markets and thrift shops.
I love your blog - it's given me some great ideas for further refusing and reducing - thank you for taking time to write and share!
I have a great appreciation for clean, uncluttered space and simple lines. I don't need objects to remind me of my mother, father, grandparents, favorite aunts etc., as they are in my thoughts and prayers . . . always. I've begun the process of purging and recently let go (sold) a lovely silver plate flatware set given me by my favorite aunt (or should I say given to me from her daughter) who DID NOT want it. I've carried the silverware around on two long distance moves and felt no remorse for selling it to someone who will "use" it as well as cherish and appreciate it. I'm now trying to sell those expensive European souveniers from Italy that I purchased on a whim. No remorse. My granddaughters will have my diamond pendants, rings, diamond watch (inherited from my parents) if they want it.
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